It's been two years since I last blogged and boy has my life changed. The unthinkable happened and my life as I've known it for 13 years has changed, I'm suddenly single ! Well not so suddenly and at the moment not so officially. I'm not exactly married and neither am I divorced so I guess I'm in marriage limbo. The love of my life has decided that I'm not the love of his life and want's out.
This all started nearly a year ago in my most favourite city in the world, London. We were there on one of his biz trips and I'll spare you the details on what and how but basically it all came out. Much later I found out the cause, it was another woman. I have never hated someone as I do her and let's leave it as that.
Anyway after several months of trying to work it out (more of me and none of him) he moved out and I'm left living alone in our home. I had to pick up the pieces of my life and along the way shed a gazillion tears, 13 kgs and gained employment. Also most importantly discovered spirituality via faith in my religion and the most awesome girlfriends.
In the early stages it was so very painful and something that I wouldn't wish upon even to my worse enemy. Hang on I wouldn't say that because I do wish it on her !! Hahahahaha. There were times when I didn't eat, couldn't sleep and was in a daze most of the time. Weeks and months went on without me smiling or laughing and all I did was cry. Completely out of character for me as I'm known to be joyful one. Most people didn't notice but the ones that knew me well who later become pillars of my life felt something was wrong.
At first I couldn't tell anyone I was so sad and miserable but eventually I opened up to less than a hand full of ladies who now remain my confidants and best friends. First to know was an old friend with the same name who I've been friends since I was thirteen. It was this dear friend who one day via BBM asked me if there was something wrong as she has been having dreams of me crying. I must tell you this, she lives half a world away in the middle east ! I guess the connection we formed with each other since young did not go away despite the years and miles we were apart.
Next to know were two dear sweethearts that I've became closer to in recent years. These two are now my rock, saviours and superstars ! It also helps that these two are single. They gave me their shoulders, ears and most importantly their time. They took me away on trips when they knew things were getting too much for me and entertained me with endless lunches, brunches, coffees and dinners. Basically they were there for me and for that I will forever be grateful. Till now we are always together when we can be and their two sweet little daughters are my favourite girls.
A married couple that I became close to over the years who initially were his friends were next to know. They were shocked and when I first told the wife she cried and of course so did I. We cried together. These two now longer talk to him and I've become part of their family. Now more and more people know about my situation as I don't want to lie when they ask. Well must advertise my availability right ? :)
Eventually the over time it hurt less, it mattered less and how can my love for him survive when it's not returned. He hardly comes to see me , call me or have anything to do with me. It's as if those 13 years of marriage didn't exist and that once we were everything to each other. I guess that's how God heals our hurt hearts. I think we still love each other but I guess it's a different kind of love. I wish him happiness but if he's with her he won't get that because my wish for her is that she is miserable for the rest of her life hahahahahaha. Yes I am a b***h, wouldn't you be ? :P Divource is in the works and we lay in limbo while the lawyer works out the settlement.
So where am I now ? I guess I'm in a good place. I have a job that I love, the best boss in the world and even a new best friend in the office that is so alike me that we constantly discover we love/like/hate the same things. I look better since I've lost the weight and so my confidence has risen. I'm relearning things that I've not done for years such as flirting and doing thing I love but stopped when I got married like dancing. I've discovered I am attractive after all and do get looks from men ! I'm back to being me bubbly, happy, funny and loud. Even today a colleague said I was Ms Cheerful of ........... (fill in name of company) always smiling and laughing even when looking at gory pictures hahahahaha. All I need now is to date ..... hint hint :)
I'm moving on !
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